by MaryAnn F. Kohl
Rather than sharing my usual process art ideas, I would like to share a childhood memory of being bullied in grade 1. I was a year younger than the other children in my class, which heavily influenced my social maturity and survival skills. I share this because I believe if we hear from the child’s voice, that voice that remains within us, and we can be better educators and teachers. I like to say, “Remember your child self.” If you do, you will reach children “as they are” in their maturation spectrum. Most of all, this story reminds me that as teachers, we must listen to children and help them when they are frightened.

Sometimes you handle your own bullying, even if it takes years. I was five and in first grade, a year younger than my classmates. The 5th grade girl “twins” were ruthless bullies at our school, and decided to torment me for some reason known only to them. Perhaps it was because I wore a green suit for picture day, I thought then. I had been gently teased about being the only first grader who wore a suit. Since nothing made sense, this was as good a reason as any.
At recess, the twins threw me in a concrete stairwell where there was “spit” and “polio” and “dead things”. They told me I would not see my mother for three days and three nights. I was ill equipped for their harassment. They kept me in the stairwell for the entire recess and did not let me out when the bell rang. When everyone had left the playground, I ran for my first grade room hoping for sanctuary. I was late, and soon punished without discussion.
For the next week, they continued their torment. One recess, a Friday in 1952, they said if I could tell them the name of the 11th president of the United States, they would let me go. Of course I had no answer, and their response was something I had never dreamed of: they promised they were going kill me on Monday. The weekend was a quiet one for me. I told no one my fears and stayed inside coloring and playing with my dolls. My mom was worried about me, but I said I was fine. I was too frightened to tell.
Monday came. The twins did not kill me, nor did they ever resume their bullying. Even so, I was deeply frightened for many nights and days following that Monday, and yet, was never was able to tell anyone of my fears. I saw the twins teasing other kids, and considered telling my teacher, but she didn’t like tattling, and I wasn’t sure what was tattling and what was appropriate to report. So I kept out of the way feeling powerless.
Fast forward to grade five. I was at the orthodontist’s office, and who should come in and sit in that waiting room but “the twins”, now lovely high school teens. I sat there feeling adrenaline prickling my neck, scared – but angry too. I had courage now, no longer the scared first grader. It was time to speak. I said, “I remember you from Phelps School in Agawam.” They nodded with friendly smiles. “You kept me in the stairwell and promised to kill me.” They stopped nodding and looked shocked. “That was cruel and I’ll never forget it. You should be very sorry.” They looked at each other, then at me, and one finally said quietly, “I’m sorry.” The other looked down at her shoes. I was shaking from my bravery and for putting these demons to rest. In many ways I was fortunate that they had become normal, nice girls, but their cruelty was experienced by many little children who never had the chance to settle up. I believe I settled it for all of us.
In the car on the way home from getting my new braces, I told my mom about the twins. She had tears in her eyes and said, “Never, never be afraid to tell me your fears. I love you and I will protect you and help you as best I can.” There were to be more experiences in my future that tested me and frightened me, but from then on, my mom was the first to know. I found that having someone who would listen to me, truly listen, was the gift of this childhood experience. I learned to confide in people I trusted, and passed this on to my own daughters. As Mr. Rogers said so wisely, “Look for the helpers.” As teachers, we are the helpers. We must listen.
This post was contributed by MaryAnn F. Kohl. MaryAnn is the renowned author of over 20 books about art for children. Her books are published both by Gryphon House and by her own company, Bright Ring Publishing. MaryAnn invites you to connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, and her own blog.
Like this:
Like Loading...
Tags: anti-bullying, bullying, maryann kohl, stories